i rise […] and eat [women] like air

all i ever knew of love

I’m soft, pliable, a heap of flesh staring up at the ceiling. My brain’s been disconnected from each and every nerve. Things weren’t really that bad, honestly. If you knew how vulnerable your words have left me, you’d use me until I saw you as my life’s purpose. To know you is to know myself. It’s a damn shame I didn’t come to this conclusion sooner. I’ve already left you behind, your keys slicing stars into my palm. I tried to warn you, Junaid, but you burned everything down. I need you to keep blaming me, I need to forget who I am again. You know me better than I do. I can always tell when you’re up to no good. I’ll never figure out why. Whatever. I want to wake up in the middle of the night mid-scream and feel your warm hands cupping all my wrong places. I declare that you’ll never get to me in this new life, even though I don’t have it in me to believe such a shitty lie. Sleep only comes after I smoke to the point where my lungs burn and I can’t walk. I’ve moved out, maybe it’s time to move on, but I find it impossible to unsee your eyes. The end of the world will come once you’re in my living room, fingers slipping into my soul. For now, I retreat into my mind. I can’t stand how right I am about us.